


I have acquired a child.

by stingrcy



Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Epistolary, Gen, Indirect Fluff, ManDadlorian, not explicitly at first but as we go on? ohoHOHO
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stingrcy/pseuds/stingrcy
Summary: How can I ensure its welfare without having it become attached to me?Thank you.🗨 17 comments    ➦ Share    🠷 Save    🛇 Hide    ⚑ Report(The r/Parenting AU some people wondered about but technically did not ask for.)
Relationships: Baby Yoda & The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)
Comments: 173
Kudos: 1279
Collections: Fun/Humour/Crack in a Galaxy Far Far Away





	1. SEARCHING FOR: "how to care for child without child caring back"

**Author's Note:**

> i) inspired by [this post](https://razorcresting.tumblr.com/post/190680102763/i-wonder-if-theres-a-holonet-forum-for-bounty) and [this add-on](https://effieago.tumblr.com/post/190694300400/i-wonder-if-theres-a-holonet-forum-for-bounty).  
> ii) i don't know exactly what the holonet is but for the sake of this fic, it's Space Internet.  
> iii) nothing here should be taken seriously.

**s/answers** · Posted by u/throwaway404 1 day ago

####  **I have acquired a child. How can I ensure its welfare without having it become attached to me?**

Thank you.

🗨 17 comments ➦ Share 🠷 Save 🛇 Hide ⚑ Report

SORT BY **TOP (SUGGESTED) ▾**

> **AutoModerator** ⛊ Score hidden · 1 day ago · Stickied comment  
>  Please make sure that your comment is helpful, relevant, and respectful, should you comment. Please make a genuine effort to answer the question helpfully, should you comment. Please do not assume that the question is a joke or has an "obvious answer" you don't need to provide, should you comment. If you see any comments that violate these rules, please report them.
> 
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> lustreee 15 points · 23 hours ago  
>  "acquired a child” - is this the new way of saying you’ve adopted? Please tell me this is the new way of saying you’ve adopted.
>
>> thisobfuscatesme 4 points · 23 hours ago  
>  Or that you're fostering!!!
>
>> **throwaway404** 18 points · 22 hours ago  
>  It means what it means.

> dagdar0 15 points · 23 hours ago  
>  You can’t.
>
>> **throwaway404** 10 points · 22 hours ago  
>  I see. Thank you for your insight.

> hahasevenatenine 12 points · 22 hours ago  
>  Hate to break it to you but there is no way children don’t get attached to good caretakers, of which it seems you want to be.
>
>> **throwaway404** 12 points · 21 hours ago  
>  Unfortunate. Thank you for your insight.

> gossamercause 9 points · 23 hours ago  
>  Why don’t you want it getting attached? Is your care temporary? How old is the child? Are you looking after it alone? Is there a reason why you're asking this from a throwaway? You need to give us more information.
>
>> **throwaway404** 10 points · 22 hours ago  
>  I suppose I do.
>>
>>> gossamercause 3 points · 21 hours ago  
>  ??? WELL???

> frigid_brigid 4 points · 22 hours ago  
>  You can’t hand it off to someone you trust who can afford to have a kid attached to them?
>
>> **throwaway404** 9 points · 21 hours ago  
>  Even if I could, they can't ensure its safety.
>>
>>> agenteight88 11 points · 21 hours ago  
>  It's safety? From what lol, tantrums???

> eyvel1 0 points · 18 hours ago  
>  As nice as everyone is for responding to this, why is this posted here? I think you're looking for s/Parenting, OP.
>
>> **throwaway404** 0 points · 18 hours ago  
>  Is this not the sub where questions get answered?
>>
>>> eyvel1 0 points · 18 hours ago  
>  NOT THESE TYPE OF QUESTIONS, OP

* * *

**s/Parenting** · Posted by u/throwaway405 13 hours ago

####  **I have acquired a child. How can I ensure its welfare without having it become attached to me?**

Thank you.

🗨 38 comments ➦ Share 🠷 Save 🛇 Hide ⚑ Report

SORT BY **TOP (SUGGESTED) ▾**

> tiredandwired2154 40 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You can't.
>
>> **throwaway405** 13 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Thank you for your insight.

> dontmakemesayit 40 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You can't!
>
>> **throwaway405** 13 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Thank you for your insight.

> noice1one 38 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You can’t.
>
>> **throwaway405** 11 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Thank you for your insight.

> connuoc_contat 35 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You can’t
>
>> **throwaway405** 29 points · 10 hours ago  
>  I've been made aware. Thank you for your insight.

> beresu 34 points · 11 hours ago  
>  I don't mean to be rude but I'm genuinely troubled by this question. Are you looking for actual parenting advice or are you looking for advice on how to screw with your child's emotional health?
>
>> **throwaway405** 7 points · 10 hours ago  
>  The first.
>>
>>> beresu 38 points · 9 hours ago  
>  Sweet. From one reluctant caretaker to another: you can't and probably won't want to as time passes.

> madadada 33 points · 10 hours ago  
>  you can't
>
>> **throwaway405** 3 points · 5 hours ago  
>  Okay.

> newto_this25988 30 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You can't.
>
>> **throwaway405** 3 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Okay.

> sorryformybassic 28 points · 10 hours ago  
>  dont think you can
>
>> **throwaway405** 22 points · 5 hours ago  
>  You can stop with these "you can't" answers now.

> silverwinrst 24 points · 11 hours ago  
>  Why?
>
>> **throwaway405** 15 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Can you answer the question before asking me any?

> concerned_nini 16 points · 12 hours ago  
>  Congratulations! I'm sure you'll bring each other great joy. This is confusing though I don't know why you don't want to foster an attachment?
>
>> **throwaway405** 16 points · 10 hours ago  
>  Thank you. It's complicated. Can you answer the question?

> stopscreamingaaaa 15 points · 8 hours ago  
>  Could you let someone who actually wants to care for a child take care of them?
>
>> **throwaway405** 6 points · 5 hours ago  
>  No.
>>
>>> stopscreamingaaaa 4 points · 2 hours ago  
>  Do you maybe want to tell us why not?
>>>
>>>> **throwaway405** 5 points · 21 minutes ago  
>  No.

> evadestralthe5 14 points · 7 hours ago  
>  How old is the child? Is the not having them/zem/xem get attached thing a preference or a must? How did you "acquire" them/zem/xem? OP you can't give us this little info and expect a serious answer
>
>> **throwaway405** 9 points · 5 hours ago  
>  Don't comment if you can't answer my question.

> Leifa_wins 12 points · 5 hours ago  
>  You cannot

> wwwwwha 11 points · 5 hours ago  
>  i second every "you cant" here

> eyvel1 9 points · 12 hours ago  
>  Is this u/throwaway404??
>
>> **throwaway405** 27 points · 10 hours ago  
>  No.

> theparabolasaysno1234 8 points · 4 hours ago  
>  Can we all appreciate that OP is at least in part TRYING to be a good caretaker even if their question is super shady?
>
>> **throwaway405** 2 points · 20 minutes ago  
>  Thank you.
>>
>>> theparabolasaysno1234 1 point · 10 minutes ago  
>  Very polite too!

> rokoshiii 5 points · 3 hours ago  
>  this is fake right? you're just roshing us right?
>
>> **throwaway405** 4 points · 20 minutes ago  
>  This is a very real question.

> m_ren_ee 2 points · 42 minutes ago  
>  You really can't, OP
>
>> **throwaway405** 6 points · 18 minutes ago  
>  Thank you so much for your valuable input. It's not like there are 10 other comments here saying the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asked post-"the child" and pre-"the sin".


	2. SEARCHING FOR: "how to reduce fussy eating in child"

**s/Parenting** · Posted by u/throwaway407 20 hours ago

####  **I have acquired a child. How can I counter his fussy eating habits?**

3-4 small meals a day with some snacks in between is apparently the healthy standard for a child his size. We used to be able to more or less reach that standard. We now have an average of 1.5 successful mealtimes with no snacks per day because he's started refusing to eat what we have. He's only getting fussier. I know that his preferences are valid and that standard rations aren't palatable. They get the job done though and, more importantly, are often all we have when off-planet. How can I make him understand that we can't always go planetside to let him catch frogs everyday? Thank you.

🗨 81 comments ➦ Share 🠷 Save 🛇 Hide ⚑ Report

SORT BY **OLD ▾**

> blempblemp 32 points · 20 hours ago  
>  So I could be wrong since I'm only working off of what you've provided us (which is literally just your question), but could it be that you're a fussy eater yourself? Children tend to model after parents in everything, including eating habits. If that's the case, work on widening your food range and preferences - your LO will most likely follow. If that's not the case, you're going to need to give us more information because I can't help you otherwise.
>
>> **throwaway407** 10 points · 19 hours ago  
>  The post has been edited.
>>
>>> blempblemp 50 points · 18 hours ago  
>  what the hell
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 13 points · 15 hours ago  
>  I assume this means you can't help me.

> willownaughtow 15 points · 20 hours ago  
>  Oof I remember when my LOs went through this phase. Every single one of them refused to eat anything green for years, hahaha. Is there a specific food he's refusing to eat, or is he refusing new foods in general? How big or small are you making his meals? I have some tips that might work, but I need to know more about the situation first.
>
>> **throwaway407** 10 points · 19 hours ago  
>  The post has been edited. 
>>
>>> willownaughtow 38 points · 16 hours ago  
>  Uh....I don't think my tips will work
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 26 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Unfortunate.

> proudmamaof_three 31 points · 20 hours ago  
>  How fussy are his eating habits? What will he eat? What won't he eat? How many mealtimes do you have per day? OP I am literally begging you to give us more info, I really want to help because my LO's used to be super fussy but I can't if you don't give me info!!!
>
>> **throwaway407** 10 points · 19 hours ago  
>  The post has been edited.
>>
>>> proudmamaof_three 53 points · 17 hours ago  
>  to let him do WHAT
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 20 points · 15 hours ago  
>  How did you deal with your child's fussiness?

> golden_hairpins 47 points · 20 hours ago  
>  i don't know enough about the issue to really say anything...but it's important to remember that kids never voluntarily starve themselves! it's okay for him to skip meals, as long as it isn't daily or multiple per day.
>
>> **throwaway407** 10 points · 19 hours ago  
>  Thank you for your insight. The post has been edited.

> Pairup_squareup 51 points · 18 hours ago  
>  Sorry, to let him do _what_ everyday?!
>
>> **throwaway407** 13 points · 15 hours ago  
>  You can read.

> crabbyhands 114 points · 18 hours ago · _edited 16 hours ago_  
>  WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR (presumably very young) SON EAT FROGS OP
>
>> **throwaway407** 87 points · 15 hours ago  
>  I told him to spit it out the first time.
>>
>>> crabbyhands 99 points · 14 hours ago  
>  JUST THE FIRST TIME??

> sixss098 84 points · 18 hours ago  
>  Guys stop freaking out, catching frogs probably means something different for OP
>
>> **throwaway407** 37 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Like what?

> manjeee_1 90 points · 18 hours ago  
>  Is "catching frogs" another way of saying "going out to eat"?
>
>> **throwaway407** 67 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Not that I know of.

> ieieieme 78 points · 17 hours ago  
>  What do you mean by catching frogs?
>
>> **throwaway407** 92 points · 15 hours ago  
>  catch: (verb) capture (a person or animal that tries or would try to escape). frog: (noun) a tailless amphibian with a short squat body, moist smooth skin, and very long hind legs for leaping.
>>
>>> ieieieme -28 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Is your kid an actual kid or just some animal you adopted and decided to call a child
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 101 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Do your kids think insulting children is funny as well?
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 20 points · 13 hours ago  
>  khkhkh no they don't OP, I'm sorry
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 21 points · 13 hours ago  
>  OP? OP, I'm sorry
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 25 points · 12 hours ago  
>  hey OP I'm really sorry
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 30 points · 12 hours ago  
>  You have my sincerest apologies, OP
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 56 points · 11 hours ago  
>  I'm sorry OP, I'm sure your kid is a beautiful delight
>>>>
>>>>> ieieieme 21 points · 9 hours ago  
>  OP I can see you commenting, I'm really sorry please reply I feel really bad
>>>>>
>>>>>> dtf_downtofight 69 points · 9 hours ago  
>  How does it feel to be blocked?

> laslowdans 83 points · 17 hours ago  
>  what the kr*ff? is this a joke?
>
>> **throwaway407** 51 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Why would I joke about a child's eating habits?

> ori491 96 points · 16 hours ago  
>  FROGS?! YOUR CHILD EATS FROGS?!
>
>> **throwaway407** 54 points · 15 hours ago  
>  I thought this was made clear.

> silverwinrst 98 points · 15 hours ago  
>  WHY?
>
>> **throwaway407** 24 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Can you be more specific?

> Gaelsss 118 points · 15 hours ago  
>  this went from really relatable to really bizarre real fast
>
>> notadoctor 74 points · 15 hours ago  
>  Actually though! I related so hard until I got to "let him catch frogs"!
>>
>>> Gaelsss 35 points · 14 hours ago  
>  so you and your child also live on standard rations huh
>>
>>> **throwaway407** 14 points · 13 hours ago  
>  How did you deal with your child's fussiness?

> DontDoThat21 88 points · 14 hours ago  
>  Frogs?! Is that correct?! Am I reading this right?!
>
>> **throwaway407** 30 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Yes. Can you answer the question?
>>
>>> DontDoThat21 92 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Are you serious?!
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 34 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Very. Can you stop asking and start answering?

> baddads_dontinteract 51 points · 14 hours ago  
>  Why do you only have rations? Shouldn't you pack something healthier if you're travelling?
>
>> **throwaway407** 79 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Show me where in my post I asked for your criticism.

> eyvel1 19 points · 13 hours ago  
>  Why'd you skip a number?
>
>> **throwaway407** 10 points · 9 hours ago  
>  I don't know what you're talking about.
>>
>>> eyvel1 42 points · 8 hours ago  
>  Why'd you go from u/throwaway405 to u/throwaway407? What happened to 406?
>>>
>>>> **throwaway407** 23 points · 4 hours ago  
>  I don't know what you're talking about.

> MxBerne 48 points · 12 hours ago  
>  yo is this fr?
>
>> **throwaway407** 36 points · 9 hours ago  
>  Yes. Can we stop asking irrelevant questions now?

> AllforNone 61 points · 11 hours ago  
>  I can't believe you're all believing this. This is so obviously fake, OP must be laughing their heads off
>
>> **throwaway407** 97 points · 9 hours ago  
>  You seem to believe I have more free time and heads than I actually do.

> theparabolasaysno1234 24 points · 8 hours ago  
>  Why is everyone being so judgy? If that's what OP's LO can eat and clearly likes eating then what's so wrong about it? I wouldn't want someone to judge me for liking to eat boiled bittercane, so why are you judging this kid for eating frogs?
>
>> mines_the_cutest 41 points · 8 hours ago  
>  First off, boiled bittercane? For real? Second, if OP's LO isn't old enough to just be told why rations are a necessary evil, how are they old enough to eat kriffing frogs? Third, OP supposedly lets him catch his own frogs? What does that even mean, does he eat it on the spot or something? Fourth, how is eating frogs even remotely good for a child?! Forgive us for being concerned!
>>
>>> theparabolasaysno1234 35 points · 7 hours ago  
>  Okay fair points, but half of your concerns are only valid if OP and their LO are humans. What if frogs are a healthy part of their diet if they're not? Do you really think OP would let their LO eat live frogs if they are? Also that jab was not necessary, boiled bittercane is delishhh! I bet you haven't even tried it
>>>
>>>> mines_the_cutest 33 points · 6 hours ago  
>  You also make fair points but don't you think OP would mention that they're not humans if they weren't, especially since most of spreddit's base ARE humans? And I don't need to try it to know that it isn't "delishhh".
>>>>
>>>>> theparabolasaysno1234 40 points · 5 hours ago  
>  Wow. How incredibly anthropocentric and closeminded of you. I feel sorry for your kids, if you even have any. And you know what? These jabs are unnecessary and also WRONG because I don't think anything you say can be worthwhile if you're going to judge something before you've even tried it.
>>>>>
>>>>>> **throwaway407** 60 points · 4 hours ago  
>  Can you two take this somewhere else?

> popgoesthecorn 31 points · 6 hours ago  
>  YOU LET YOUR LO DO WHAT??!?!

> GIVE_UR_LOVE 64 points · 5 hours ago  
>  i love how we're all losing our minds over how op's kid apparently eats frogs, but nobody wants to talk about how op doesn't even know their kid's age. "a child his size" lmaooo
>
>> **throwaway407** 23 points · 4 hours ago  
>  I do know his age, it's just irrelevant.
>>
>>> GIVE_UR_LOVE 40 points · 4 hours ago  
>  huh
>>
>>> windyplains 37 points · 3 hours ago  
>  HOW?!

> quihan_Zhe 31 points · 4 hours ago  
>  Is it safe to say that your child isn't human, OP?
>
>> **throwaway407** 12 points · 2 hours ago  
>  I am not comfortable with sharing that.
>>
>>> lewynbhar 19 points · 2 hours ago  
>  Wh..............why
>>
>>> uh_your_ohs 23 points · 2 hours ago  
>  what kind of life must you have where answering this kind of question makes you uncomfortable
>>
>>> quihan_Zhe 20 points · 1 hour ago  
>  SO HE IS HUMAN? WHY ARE YOU LETTING YOUR HUMAN SON EAT FROGS, OP?!!
>>>
>>>> unblockmeop 18 points · 1 hour ago  
>  OP didn't say no...
>>>>
>>>>> quihan_Zhe 16 points · 57 minutes ago  
>  **_OP DIDN'T SAY YES!!!_**

> juanhaze 21 points · 2 hours ago  
>  frogs?!?!

> pocketyourkids 8 points · 55 minutes ago  
>  If your kid's old enough to catch frogs(????), he should be old enough to understand that satisfying hunger comes before his fussiness if you just explain it to him in simple words.
>
>> **throwaway407** 6 points · 38 minutes ago  
>  Why do you think I'm asking this question?

> idly_parentis 4 points · 40 minutes ago  
>  FROGS?!!
>
>> **throwaway407** 1 point · 37 minutes ago  
>  YES, he eats frogs, YES, he catches them himself, can we please move on from this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asked post-"the sin" and pre-"sanctuary".  
>  (thanks for all of your support! i'm v glad to see this so well-received.) 
> 
> * * *
> 
> BONUS QUESTION, asked pre-"the sin", AKA what happened with throwaway406: 
> 
> **s/NoStupidQuestions** · Posted by u/throwaway406 2 weeks ago
> 
> ####  **If I, hypothetically, acquired a child and it could, hypothetically, eat a live frog with no discernible consequences, should I, hypothetically, let it continue eating live frogs?**
> 
> Answered
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> 🗨 17 comments ➦ Share 🠷 Save 🛇 Hide ⚑ Report
> 
> SORT BY **BEST ▾**
>
>> ARYA2608 40 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  wwwwwwwwwww how is anyone supposed to properly answer this? bad question op, there is no helpful answer to this
>>
>>> **throwaway406** 61 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Bad comment u/ARYA2608, there is no actual answering to this.
>>>
>>>> ARYA2608 37 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  ., u got me there
>
>> lookatmeandweep 36 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  We can't answer "should" questions. They have to be answered by you, OP.
>>
>>> **throwaway406** 39 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Do they really?
>
>> okop1 33 points · 2 weeks ago · _edited 2 weeks ago_  
>  This looks suspiciously nonhypothetical so I'm gonna go with no. Even if your child could somehow eat a live frog without choking or it just jumping out of their mouth, I doubt it's healthy. How young is your child? How strong is their stomach? Maybe you can't see external consequences but what about internal ones? Better safe than sorry.
>> 
>> EDIT: Granted, this isn't s/Parenting and I'm not a parent, so maybe I should actually be saying "I don't know" because I don't actually know what's good for any child. Maybe eating live frogs is your child's "safe" instead of "sorry", maybe it isn't. Use your discretion, OP.
>>
>>> **throwaway406** 30 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Your answer is not as helpful as it could've been but thank you for your open-minded insight.
>
>> I_Like_Bread 21 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  I mean...I guess? Just to make sure, this is completely hypothetical?
>>
>>> **throwaway406** 7 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Yes.
>>>
>>>> I_Like_Bread 33 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Okay yeah, you can. Not sure about if you _should_ (lbr what child has a digestive system that can handle a live frog...) but you can, hypothetically, let your child continue eating live frogs
>>>>
>>>>> **throwaway406** 17 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Thank you for your insight but that doesn't actually answer my question.
>
>> raeeel001 15 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Parents let children eat dirt and other weird things all the time with no problem, so I don't see why not. If real babies can eat dirt with no consequence to their health, who are we to stop you from letting your hypothetical child eat live frogs?
>>
>>> **throwaway406** 3 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Excellent point. Thank you for answering my question.
>>>
>>>> raeeel001 35 points · 2 weeks ago  
>  Wait OP, the way you phrased that thank you makes it sound like this isn't so hypothetical. I guess you could be joking instead, but in the event that you aren't: you need to ignore my response completely because there's no telling what consequences eating live frogs can bring for a real child.
>>>
>>>> raeeel001 42 points · 1 week ago  
>  Hello, OP?
>>>
>>>> raeeel001 49 points · 1 week ago  
>  OP, seriously!
>>>
>>>> raeeel001 52 points · 5 days ago  
>  OP PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN'T LETTING YOUR ACTUAL CHILD EAT LIVE FROGS


End file.
